121709

Tis the Season ...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Under the Miss ~ eltoe

The ongoing photo journal of Katoba Dobermans' 2009 "Miss & Mister" Litter ~ DPCA Futurity Nominated for 2010

... for people to laugh and celebrate,
for minds to focus and contemplate,
for families to join ... to reunite,
and for hearts to mend & be "merry and bright".

That said, I just could NOT sleep last night ... quite frankly, amongst everything else in life ... I am missing Logan, terribly.
With a house full of dogs who also need my uninterrupted attention, training, and care, I have avoided taking time to grieve Logan's death.
I have let it surface several times, but then boxed it up and tried to move forward - skipping the grieving part of the process.
I do not even like to hear the word 'grief'.
So, late last night, I went downstairs and woke up Violet and Erica ... I brought them up and let them stay with me, all night, in the living room.
Curled up together in a snuggly lump ... big puppy paws flopped on top of each others faces ... their breathing nearly putting me to sleep, as well.
It was beautiful ... precious ... soothing ... almost healing.
The reality is that one pup can never replace another ~ but they can help us start anew ... get back up again.
I guess, as "Healing Blessings" go ... these two are more than I could have hoped for.
Erica and Violet are two fabulous gifts from God ... I am tremendously grateful.

I pray that Logan and Piper are being silly and playing in Heaven ... like they use to in my backyard.

Still, this evening, my heart seems to be demanding the needed time to grieve ... my body is overcome with weariness, I cannot stop crying, I want to be asleep.
I cannot believe Logan is really NOT going to jump up onto the sofa or my bed and suck on her blanket;
I keep calling her name in turn and expect her to run in from the backyard;
I keep filling her bowl with breakfast;
and I ALMOST entered her in the upcoming Puyallup dog shows.
I am going through empty motions ... false hopes ... inevitable sadness.
This is not good ... nor is it healthy ... and I do owe it to myself and everyone in my life to lift this doom, gloom, and pitiful presence.
I feel angry - bitter and resentful, even - that with all my incredible love for, and all I do for and with my dogs ... this happened ... to her ... to HER ...
... and to all of us;
and, I feel guilty ~ after all, i am the human mommy and I am supposed to be able to "make everything better", right ?!?
WRONG.
I guess it is time to give in to reality ... it is my night to grieve.

Erica

Violet

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If you are interested in being considered for one of the show prospect puppies available, (Zzzen, Soleil, Breeze),
please begin by filling out the questionnaire, (below).
Email it to Kathy at katoba@comcast.net. Please do not leave anything 'blank' on the form.
Kathy can be contacted at 253.312.4839.